I honestly don’t even know where to start because I am completely hooked on this story. From the first moment I started reading, I was drawn in so hard that I couldn’t stop — it’s the kind of writing that grabs you by the heart and refuses to let go. Every paragraph pulled me deeper, every chapter left me wanting more, and I’ve been eagerly waiting for updates because this story is addictive in the best possible way. I’ve been quiet up until now because life’s been hectic, but I realize I should have commented sooner to let you know how much your work means to me.

Now, about the critique that’s caused so much trouble: the points you raised aren’t just blunt, they’re misleading and dismissive. You say the story is “too long,” but pacing isn’t about length — it’s about engagement. And I, for one, was completely engaged. You claim contradictions in character behavior, yet what you’re calling inconsistency is nuance. People can be conflicted; they can both resent and care at the same time. That’s depth, not error. You sneered at clarifications like the coded dialogue or the character’s source of bodies — but not everyone catches subtle cues the first time, and explaining things isn’t a flaw, it’s clarity for the audience. You mock the tone, but style is subjective, and the tone chosen fits the story perfectly. And AI? Irrelevant. What matters is the story itself — which you clearly weren’t paying attention to.

Funny how you admit your “feedback” destroyed their will to write, but instead of apologizing sincerely, you double down on being “right.” Feedback isn’t just about what you say, but how you say it. What you gave wasn’t constructive—it was cruel, and it shows you care more about hearing yourself critique than about helping someone grow. You obliterated their confidence, positioned yourself as a mentor, and then admitted you weren’t even equipped to judge English writing? You don’t get to swing the wrecking ball and then pretend you’re there to hold the bricks. Critique points out flaws while still nurturing the spark that keeps a creator going. What you did wasn’t critique, it was cruelty. When the author shared how deeply your words crushed them, you didn’t take a step back and say, “Wow, maybe I came across too harsh.” No—you doubled down. And it says a lot more about your need to hear yourself sound clever than it does about the author’s talent. If this is your version of “help,” you should stop pretending it benefits anyone but your own ego.

You suggest that the narrative is unoriginal, though you never point to a single example of where it allegedly borrows or fails to innovate. Meanwhile, the originality lies in how familiar human struggles are refracted through the author’s particular lens — something your critique never acknowledges. Calling something “derivative” without substantiation is not criticism; it’s handwaving. Perhaps the issue is less with the author’s prose and more with your unwillingness to sit with nuance that doesn’t announce itself in neon. Depth is not measured by how loudly a theme shouts at you, but by how long it lingers after the page is turned.

Author, you are not inadequate, you are not talentless, and you are not “less than” because someone came in swinging with an ego instead of empathy. You had the courage to take an idea you’ve carried for years and bring it to life in a format most people never even try. That alone makes you a creator. And here’s the truth: “inexperienced” isn’t an insult—it’s a stage. Every single writer, even the ones this critic probably idolizes, started where you are now. Progress is built on persistence, not on being flawless from the start. Keep telling your stories, because your voice matters, and don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. Your work is powerful, emotional, and engaging — it hooks readers, builds a community, and leaves people like me eagerly waiting for more.

Here’s the thing: people don’t remember the critics. They remember the stories. They remember the characters that made them feel something, the worlds that gave them escape, the author who took the risk to share something personal. In ten years, no one will care about this critique—but they will care if the author keeps creating, keeps growing, keeps daring to put their voice out there. So author, keep going. Be imperfect. Be messy. Be bold. Because every page you write is one more page the world wouldn’t have without you. Your community has your back.

Critic, sit down, shut the fuck up, and maybe learn the difference between constructive feedback and malicious theatrics.

Yikes, I didn't mean to obliterate your will to write, sorry about that! :I 

I get a bit, uh, riled up when I see something that could be good but isn't; it frustrates me in a weird way and then I might leave critiques without pulling my punches...with that said, I'm not taking any of it back, 'cause I think my points are valid

As I said before, and I chose these words deliberately: you're "an inexperienced writer", not a talentless one. And as you're aware, you lack skill. You do, but - while outsourcing your writing may be the more sensible option - is that what you really want?

Won't you try to get better instead? 

I - could assist you. I'm not ghost-writing for anyone, but I can advise you about your writing and discuss plotholes, inconsistencies, POVs, style, rhythm etc. 

Keep in mind, English is my second language, so I'm less likely to be able to help you there

Most writing in IFs is pretty amateur since most of us are just people doing this as a hobby, so please do not feel discouraged from continuing. Writing like most art is just editing and reediting until one gets something that one is semi- happy with.

And, from what I read I think that your writing is actually pretty good.

I am somewhat experienced with Twine (Sugarcube) and I also know javascript, so I could help you out with coding or if you just need advice. 

I am not an expert by any means, but I am usually able to figure out solutions for the issues I encounter by foraging through the documentation for Twine and Html5. 

However, that often can be very time-consuming, so I understand that most people simply do not have the free time to do that.

If you are interested in speaking about this further, I have sent you a friendship request on Discord.